Are You Getting in Your Own Way?

Are You Getting in Your Own Way?

Business Leadership Personal Growth self development

It might be time to up-level your leadership development

There’s a common expression that is a great are-you-getting-in-your-own-way tool in the personal & professional mastery industry.  When we get caught up in the reasons and excuses about why we aren’t getting what we want in life and we start playing the blame-game (come on, you know what I’m talking about) then our colleague or coach will remind us that whenever we point our finger at someone or something, there are always 3 other fingers pointing back at us!

It’s a great time to laugh at ourselves. Because really, when we’re struggling and fighting with all these external things in our lives, we can step into the relief of realizing that it’s something within ourselves that needs to be addressed, and great news – that’s totally within our control! And that means it’s time for some inner leadership development.

Here are 3 ways to know if you are getting in your own way.

  1. You have a problem that keeps recurring

It’s sometimes difficult to see the forest for the trees, when you are in the thick of it.  But when you take a moment to pause and reflect on a challenge or issue, you will often see how it’s been repeating in your life.  It may be repeating within a certain area of your life, for example you realize that your staff is just not understanding what you expect from them, and your customers are misunderstanding the delivery process and your vendors are confused about the timelines… the common denominator is your communication.  At other times, it may be a recurring theme in different areas of your life, such as you tolerating your office manager being habitually late, and your friend reneging on their promise to help you paint the rec room, and your daughter always managing to squeeze that extra $20 out of you… the common theme is your lack of boundaries.

A recurring problem is always pointing to a pattern and it it’s a pattern in your life, then it’s all about you.  So resolve the pattern rather than a specific issue and you’ll clear out all the problems connected to that pattern.

  1. You’re using all your education and training and you’re still not getting the results you want

Knowledge and intellect are not the only factors in success. Whether you trained in B-school or the school of hard knocks, you likely have unconscious programming that is placing a ceiling on your success, and it’s completely out of your awareness.  Perhaps you are a sceptical kind of person, always considering the downside and risk, and planning contingencies. On the surface that sounds like a good business practice, however the negative possibilities need to be considered and handled swiftly, and preferably not by you as the business owner, so that you can get on with focusing positively on your future targets.

Your thoughts are best focused on your vision, your goals and the positive results you are in the process of creating.  There is scientific evidence to show that those who remain positively focused on their desired outcomes are more likely to succeed.  Leave the risk management to your right-hand guy or gal and be the visionary that you need to be in your business.

When you’re not getting the results you want, your first place to look is in the mirror. Here’s an amazing arrangement of Michael Jackson’s Man in the Mirror by PATAX and special guests.  Stay with it to the end for the wonderful latin-inspired jam. The lyrics are powerful too.

There are an unlimited number of unconscious programs like this that can overthrow the most brilliant leader.  And it usually takes an intimate conversation with a trained professional to identify and change them into success programs so you can get on with growing your business.

In Part 2 of this blog series, we reveal the third way that we get in our own way and some shocking insight into the top fears of the most senior leaders.

Until then, be free… and wild.

Sue

12 Surefire Signs You’re On the Path to Burnout

12 Surefire Signs You’re On the Path to Burnout

Business Lifestyle Personal Growth self development

There’s an epidemic in our society that is stripping the joy and fun out of life, and often we can’t even see that it’s happening. It’s called burnout, and you might be a victim of this insidious ailment that has afflicted so many.  Here are 12 sure-fire signs that you’re on the path to burnout (even if you don’t know it yet).

  1. You’re feeling stressed all the time
  2. You’re short-tempered and impatient
  3. You’re not getting enough sleep
  4. You’re not exercising enough
  5. You lost touch with friends for weeks or months at time
  6. You’re not having enough (any?) fun or you overdo it on fun in short bursts and then have to recover
  7. You don’t feel happy or joyful most of the time
  8. Your schedule so busy that you have no room for the intimate relationship you desire… or the one that you have
  9. You crash or tune-out using drugs, alcohol, shopping, working, or Netflix binge watching
  10. Your kids say things like “Mommy why are you working all the time?” and “Daddy will you play with me” and you keep on working
  11. You isolate yourself because it takes too much effort and energy to be with people
  12. You know something’s wrong but you regularly think to yourself:
  • …“I can do this, hang tough.”
  • …”I can handle it”
  • …”It’s not that big a deal.”
  • …”I’ll be through the crunch next week.” (but you’ve said that 5+ times in the past 2 months)
  • …”It’ll sort itself out.”
  • …”If I ask for help people will think I’m weak.”

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The 3 Beliefs to Master Change

The 3 Beliefs to Master Change

Business Leadership Lifestyle Personal Growth self development

Have you ever felt like you’re between a rock and a hard place?  Like you don’t have any options and you’re stuck?  We can feel frustrated and powerless in the place.  And my suggestion to you is that there are ALWAYS options when you have the 3 beliefs to master change.

1.  I can create my experience.  Every moment of every day we perceive the world around us as a reflection of what’s going on in our psyche. In other words, who we are at the core impacts how we experience the world.  So if you want to change your experience, change your Self.  Do the work – whether it’s personal growth, spiritual, or professional development – do the work to transform yourself, in order to change your experience of life.  I worked with a woman who had a challenging relationship with her father in her family-based business.  While in my office that day, she transformed her perspective and understanding of that relationship, and that was the day her relationship with her dad changed for good.  Do the inner work, to create a better life experience.

2.  I can choose how I respond. With every experience, we have a choice how we respond, but first we must believe we have that choice. A very wise man once said to me “No one can make you feel anything!!” This can be a difficult pill for some to swallow because it’s human nature to blame those around us for how we’re feeling.  You get to choose your feelings by choosing your thoughts, beliefs, and physiology… unless you want to continue to give away your power and not take responsibility for your life.  Choose your response (consciously) or react (unconsciously). The choice is yours.

3.  I can handle whatever comes my way. …and I will be ok. This belief is at the heart of empowerment and resilience. Every time I learn a skill, I’m empowered. Every time I adapt to a new circumstance, I’m resilient. Every time I lean on my network for support, or tap a new resource, or resolve an old pain, I’m strengthening my foundation and increasing my flexibility.  The more you stretch and grow and flex, the better able to handle unexpected events you become.  Think of it like building a muscle. You build muscle by working it regularly in a cyclic pattern of stretch-and-heal. Stretch into the new every day, and you’ll be better able to handle whatever comes your way!

I’d love your feedback! And don’t forget to leave a link back to your own blog too if you have one via the commentluv feature here on the site.

Until next time,

Sue

 

Change Scares Me. I Hate Change.

Change Scares Me. I Hate Change.

Business Lifestyle Personal Growth self development

People have been telling me that change is scary; that they’d do anything to avoid it, they hate change so much.

“Apple made me finally update my phone. I hate change.”

“I got a promotion. Change scares me.”

“Looking at old photos depressed me. I hate change.”

“Finally dyeing my hair. It’s gonna be red. Change scares me.”

“New people on the team. I hate change.”

Now I know there may be a few of you out there who actually like change and get excited about it, but you need to know that you are quite rare. Most people don’t like change.

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3 Reasons Why People Stay Busy – The Busy Syndrome

3 Reasons Why People Stay Busy – The Busy Syndrome

Business Leadership Personal Growth self development

We’re heading into our busiest time of year, the holiday season, and yet, don’t you find that it’s busy all year long?!  As the commercials recently are saying, Is that good busy? Or not so good busy?  I’ve noticed some interesting things we do and say that are completely counter to what we truly want…something I call the ‘busy syndrome’. “Hi, how are you?” “Oh, I’m SO busy!” <smile>  (as if that’s a good thing) Sometimes it is a good thing, and, often it’s not.  What are your life balance goals?  What are your work or business goals?  Do they include being busy every waking hour? Is it your desire to be booked up with work, volunteer, and family commitments every day and most evenings? Who wants that? Yet, most of you have built your lives this way.  Why? Continue reading

The 3 Causes of our Anger Management Epidemic

The 3 Causes of our Anger Management Epidemic

Business Leadership Personal Growth self development

Although it’s the butt of many jokes and the basis for a comedy movie with Jack Nicholson and a recent TV series with Charlie Sheen, anger management has become one of the most socially-dysfunctional, yet preventable issues in our culture.  Have you given any thought to the causes of this anger management epidemic?

Why do we have road rage, and restraining orders, and anger management classes in elementary schools?!

Anger is avoided like a disease, until it explodes.

There are 3 reasons why western cultures can’t manage anger…

  1. No one taught us how to be with anger. If you grew up in some European families, you’d hear yelling and arguing on a daily basis, without hard feelings, and always ending in hugs. In North America, we weren’t taught how to be angry because anger wasn’t acceptable. Period.
  2. We have limiting beliefs about anger. Most of us we’re raised to ignore or suppress our natural anger because we were told that “Good girls don’t get angry.” And “Angry boys are mean.” You may also hold a limiting belief that ‘anger is dangerous’ because you experienced violence with anger growing up. The possible beliefs about anger that are no longer serving you are endless.
  3. Old, residual anger from the past has not been managed so it comes rushing forward in the moment we feel the slightest bit of anger, and amplifies our emotion and our reaction. Usually it’s uncontrollable. And usually we regret it afterwards.

What most of us never learned is that…

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The 3 Secrets to Positive Thinking

The 3 Secrets to Positive Thinking

Business Leadership Personal Growth self development

I thought it might be helpful to share 3 secrets to positive thinking, because everyone wants to be happy.  Everyone likes to be around positive people.  Everyone likes a happy ending.

So why is there so much focus on doom and gloom in the world?  The news is all about crime, disasters and war.  Bosses and teachers talk about what’s wrong with the work but rarely what is good.  People are filled with fear and dread, and are living their lives wondering when the other shoe is going to drop, or “what next?!”.

It takes focus and determination to avoid being sucked in to the negativity around you.  And sometimes you forget that…

You are always at choice about how you think and feel.

And you can choose to think positively any time.

  1. AIM. Know what you want.  It feels good to get clear on what you want.  Often we know what we don’t want, but we don’t take the next steps to say, “if not that, then what?”.  We experience contrast every day that can be used to get clearer and clearer on our dreams and goals.  Whenever you notice something you don’t want, turn it into a new detail about what you do want.  Aim.
  2. ENERGIZE. Choose your thoughts using your emotions.  Use your emotional guidance system to tell you when to change your thinking.  If it feels bad, let the thought go.  If it feels good, focus on it. Daydream about what you want, as often as you can, so that your positive emotions will drive your behavior toward what you want.
  3. BELIEVE. Expect it.  Set the intention for it.  Believe it will be.  Expect it to happen any moment.  The anticipation is not only fun, but it feels good too.  Some people don’t want to get their hopes up in case they end up disappointed, but then they spend the entire time being negative about it.  Wouldn’t it be better to get excited and believe and anticipate it, until it arrives?

So, go ahead, turn that negative thought into a positive one and enjoy yourself.

Life’s more fun that way!

Let me know what you think! I would love your feedback. And don’t forget to leave a link back to your own blog too if you have one via the commentluv feature here on the site.

Until then, be resilient.

Sue

Are You Hiding Your Truth?

Are You Hiding Your Truth?

Business Leadership Personal Growth self development

We human beings are notorious for skirting around the truth.  We are so concerned with ‘keeping the peace’ and wanting everyone to like us, that we completely give away our personal power by hiding our truth.

“I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself?” 

Oriah Mountain Dreamer, The Invitation

Because if we can’t live our truth then what are we living?  Someone else’s expectations.  Our own “shoulds”.  Society’s drone norms.

You are meant to live your truth.  In its highest form. Which will be constantly evolving as you expand.

When you live your truth, you must also speak it.  And that truth may not be popular. It may not be pretty or neat or easy to swallow.

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Our Most Powerful Hidden Asset – The Unconscious Mind

Our Most Powerful Hidden Asset – The Unconscious Mind

Business Leadership Personal Growth self development

Have you heard that you have an unconscious mind? I teach my clients how to utilize the most powerful hidden asset that we have… the unconscious mind.  It is responsible for our actions and behaviour, and takes care of our body’s autonomic functions while we focus on other things. In fact, this best-kept-secret-to-getting-the-results-you-want is the single biggest factor in driving the results you get in your life.  So when clients come to me stuck in their stuff, missing the mark, and repeating old patterns, I tell them to “Use your mind… not that mind, the other mind!”

The unconscious mind makes up 90% of your mind’s capacity!  And it drives your behaviour!

Your Conscious Mind is the goal-setter and

your Unconscious Mind is the goal-getter

Wouldn’t it be useful to know how to leverage this part of your mind so you can get the results you really want?

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How Well do you Share Your Emotions?

How Well do you Share Your Emotions?

Business Leadership Personal Growth self development

How well do you share your emotions? When the end of your life is near and you are on your deathbed, will you have regrets?

Bronnie Ware wrote a book about what she learned from being a palliative care nurse for years called “Top Five Regrets of the Dying”, and one of those regrets struck a chord with me…

I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings

Because I see clients every week who have shunned, ignored and repressed their emotions, to the point where they are not expressing themselves truly or fully in the world.

Our society doesn’t like emotion. We teach our children to ‘buck up’ and ‘don’t cry’.  It’s considered inappropriate to show anger at work, even when it’s justified.  It’s not acceptable to be afraid, and we are all expected to feel guilty all the time.

Women who show too little emotion are “bitches” and the ladies who express too much emotion are labelled as “too emotional”.  Men are taught not to show fear or sadness at all, and only moderate amounts of anger are allowed.

Healthy emotional strategies are simply not understood and not taught to us as we are growing up, so we see all manner of emotional blind spots that are holding us back as adults. In addition, all of this repressed emotional energy has to go somewhere, and when it isn’t expressed in healthy natural ways, it shows up as dis-ease in the body; chronic pain and other ailments are the result of bottled up emotion. So…

I challenge you to tell someone how you really feel. Today.

And if you would like to get to strengthen your emotional foundation, you’ll want to know about the Resilient Mindset self-study program: Take Charge of Your Mind and Your Emotions to Secure your Bouncebackability.

I’d love your feedback! And don’t forget to leave a link back to your own blog too if you have one via the commentluv feature here on the site.

Until next time,

Sue