The Trap of Trying to Control your Destiny
We all want to be in control, to know what’s coming down the pipe, to have certainty.
We want to be the master of our destiny. But life’s not like that.
And it can be crazy-making to try to hold on to control, when there’s a higher wisdom within us at play.
More and more people are following empowerment gurus like Tony Robbins, and working manifestation techniques like the Laws of Attraction and listening to the you-can-do-anything coaches. They are busy setting goals and intentions, thinking the right thoughts and feeling the right feelings, and visualizing and setting boundaries and cutting cords and yada yada.
And then they give themselves and others a hard time when they haven’t created what they want in their life.
Judgement and criticism is the result, with thoughts like “You’ve been talking about that dream for-EVER! Why haven’t you created it yet?!” What’s implied is: “There must be something wrong with you; You’re not doing it right; or You’re not spiritual enough.”
Most of you don’t take into account another important factor when you set out to achieve an outcome… your higher, wiser self has a great deal of say in the matter. And it is usually completely outside of your conscious awareness.
Our thinking mind (ego) is typically the goal-setter. It does a great job of assessing the past, analyzing the situation and imagining the future.
There’s an aspect of you that I call your Higher Self or Soul. Some call it the ‘I AM Presence’, or Divine self. It is the part of our consciousness that has a plan for our life experience.
This Higher Self wants to experience the unfolding of our life, our evolution. It is overjoyed with all of the everyday growth, shifts, transformations and learning that we experience as we live this life adventure in ordinary reality.
However, this aspect of our self also has a bigger perspective. It has desires for us to experience and evolve in certain ways and will ensure that we experience certain experiences. The specifics of those experiences though, are the result of our everyday choices, decisions and actions.
Your Higher Self sets out your destiny. Your Ego mind affects your free will.
We want to be an active participant in life and not feel that life is happening to us, out of our control. And, we cannot control everything with our conscious mind, with ego.
Our conscious mind is the co-creator with our Higher Self.
This is the grand opportunity to soften and be compassionate with ourselves and others. When it seems like it’s taking too long to achieve the thing… Or you’ve been working on the thing forever and still haven’t cracked it… Or you’re still doing the thing that isn’t serving you… then it’s time for a little self-compassion. Your Higher Self in all of it’s cosmic wisdom is orchestrating the grand plan, and your job is to find the blessing in it, rather than beat yourself up about it. There’s wisdom to glean, and personal growing to come of it.
The stuck situations in life are ALWAYS offering an opportunity to shift to a higher consciousness. Not higher as in authority, but higher as in more empowering.
I recently came through an ordeal in the selling of my house. For more than 3 months there was baffling behaviour from the buyer and his realtor, and tremendous uncertainty about whether the sale would close. Contributing to this was that the sale occurred at an unprecedented peak in the market, so the possibility of the deal falling through could have meant many more months of re-listing and selling again at a dramatically lower price, and potential legal proceedings against the original buyer. I had already moved my family into our new home two and a half months before this saga ended.
During all of these delays and uncertainty I kept looking for the learning in the experience. I knew that I didn’t consciously call this in to my life, but my Higher Self had some reason for me to be experiencing this. It wasn’t until the day before the house finally closed (a miracle in itself on so many levels), that I realized what the growth opportunity was for me.
This was a prolonged stressful and uncomfortable time. As a single-adult household, I was solely responsible for the decision to move (an upheaval in itself), and for navigating the change so that we would maintain a safe and loving home environment. I felt the weight of the uncertainty for all of us. And I was infuriated with this buyer that refused to honour deadlines and legal agreements.
During this time, I would catch myself thinking about negative possibilities and outcomes that I didn’t want, and do whatever practice I could to bring myself back to calm and peace. Every time I felt the grip of anxiety or worry, I would clear the negativity and shift my focus back to the result I wanted: a successful close.
It was a rinse and repeat practice. Ongoing, in all shapes and sizes. I used forest walks, friends, colleagues, energy healing, affirmations, tarot and oracle cards, inspirational reading, meditation, and positive visualization, among other things to turn my thinking and feeling around.
Now I affectionately refer to my exasperating buyer as my greatest blessing. He was the sole reason for my worry, frustration and stress, and simultaneously my greatest teacher. In the experience he felt like my enemy, and turned out to be my ally.
The grand awareness that I received on that day before closing was that this ordeal was an opportunity for me to shift from fear consciousness into surrender, peace and trust. It had NOTHING to do with the buyer as a person, and everything to do with me and my perception.
But the world is full of fear, you say. We’re pummeled with fear-mongering at every turn. How can you possibly shift out of fear consciousness?! Well it is easier said than done – hence the prolonged situational practice ground that was created. And I believe this is humanity’s current opportunity in our evolutionary process, and the reason why so much negativity is surfacing to be healed and cleared.
I could have been really hard on myself during all of this for having attracted such a painful experience into my life. Some righteous spiritualists may have judged me for not being able to get it together and resolve it, for not being able to raise my vibration enough, or that I must have done something wrong. All of that is hogwash.
Everything happens for a reason.
My Higher Self is thrilled when I find the learning in a challenging situation, and grow from it. And yours is too.
Here is my invitation to you. Release control (it’s an illusion anyway). And tune in to your deepest, inner wisdom and truth – often. You have a beautiful opportunity to co-create your life with you Higher Self. This makes the challenging times smoother and shorter, by accelerating the learning and growth process.
The next time you’re in a messy situation, ask yourself “What is there for me to learn here? How is this an opportunity to grow?”
Meditate on that, my friends. And life will be so much more fulfilling.
If you’d like to learn more about deliberately shifting your focus or on co-creating with your Higher Self, give me a call and let’s talk. I’d love to connect with you for a complimentary consultation.
Here’s to being a conscious participant in your soul evolution!
Until next time, be free and wild.