The Trap of Trying to Control your Destiny

The Trap of Trying to Control your Destiny

Leadership Personal Growth self development

We all want to be in control, to know what’s coming down the pipe, to have certainty.

We want to be the master of our destiny. But life’s not like that.

And it can be crazy-making to try to hold on to control, when there’s a higher wisdom within us at play.

More and more people are following empowerment gurus like Tony Robbins, and working manifestation techniques like the Laws of Attraction and listening to the you-can-do-anything coaches. They are busy setting goals and intentions, thinking the right thoughts and feeling the right feelings, and visualizing and setting boundaries and cutting cords and yada yada.

And then they give themselves and others a hard time when they haven’t created what they want in their life.

Judgement and criticism is the result, with thoughts like “You’ve been talking about that dream for-EVER! Why haven’t you created it yet?!” What’s implied is: “There must be something wrong with you; You’re not doing it right; or You’re not spiritual enough.”

Most of you don’t take into account another important factor when you set out to achieve an outcome… your higher, wiser self has a great deal of say in the matter. And it is usually completely outside of your conscious awareness.

Our thinking mind (ego) is typically the goal-setter. It does a great job of assessing the past, analyzing the situation and imagining the future.

There’s an aspect of you that I call your Higher Self or Soul. Some call it the ‘I AM Presence’, or Divine self. It is the part of our consciousness that has a plan for our life experience.

This Higher Self wants to experience the unfolding of our life, our evolution. It is overjoyed with all of the everyday growth, shifts, transformations and learning that we experience as we live this life adventure in ordinary reality.

However, this aspect of our self also has a bigger perspective. It has desires for us to experience and evolve in certain ways and will ensure that we experience certain experiences. The specifics of those experiences though, are the result of our everyday choices, decisions and actions.

Your Higher Self sets out your destiny. Your Ego mind affects your free will.

We want to be an active participant in life and not feel that life is happening to us, out of our control. And, we cannot control everything with our conscious mind, with ego.

Our conscious mind is the co-creator with our Higher Self.

This is the grand opportunity to soften and be compassionate with ourselves and others. When it seems like it’s taking too long to achieve the thing… Or you’ve been working on the thing forever and still haven’t cracked it… Or you’re still doing the thing that isn’t serving you… then it’s time for a little self-compassion. Your Higher Self in all of it’s cosmic wisdom is orchestrating the grand plan, and your job is to find the blessing in it, rather than beat yourself up about it. There’s wisdom to glean, and personal growing to come of it.

The stuck situations in life are ALWAYS offering an opportunity to shift to a higher consciousness. Not higher as in authority, but higher as in more empowering.

I recently came through an ordeal in the selling of my house. For more than 3 months there was baffling behaviour from the buyer and his realtor, and tremendous uncertainty about whether the sale would close. Contributing to this was that the sale occurred at an unprecedented peak in the market, so the possibility of the deal falling through could have meant many more months of re-listing and selling again at a dramatically lower price, and potential legal proceedings against the original buyer. I had already moved my family into our new home two and a half months before this saga ended.

During all of these delays and uncertainty I kept looking for the learning in the experience. I knew that I didn’t consciously call this in to my life, but my Higher Self had some reason for me to be experiencing this. It wasn’t until the day before the house finally closed (a miracle in itself on so many levels), that I realized what the growth opportunity was for me.

This was a prolonged stressful and uncomfortable time. As a single-adult household, I was solely responsible for the decision to move (an upheaval in itself), and for navigating the change so that we would maintain a safe and loving home environment. I felt the weight of the uncertainty for all of us. And I was infuriated with this buyer that refused to honour deadlines and legal agreements.

During this time, I would catch myself thinking about negative possibilities and outcomes that I didn’t want, and do whatever practice I could to bring myself back to calm and peace. Every time I felt the grip of anxiety or worry, I would clear the negativity and shift my focus back to the result I wanted: a successful close.

It was a rinse and repeat practice. Ongoing, in all shapes and sizes. I used forest walks, friends, colleagues, energy healing, affirmations, tarot and oracle cards, inspirational reading, meditation, and positive visualization, among other things to turn my thinking and feeling around.

Now I affectionately refer to my exasperating buyer as my greatest blessing. He was the sole reason for my worry, frustration and stress, and simultaneously my greatest teacher. In the experience he felt like my enemy, and turned out to be my ally.

The grand awareness that I received on that day before closing was that this ordeal was an opportunity for me to shift from fear consciousness into surrender, peace and trust. It had NOTHING to do with the buyer as a person, and everything to do with me and my perception.

But the world is full of fear, you say. We’re pummeled with fear-mongering at every turn. How can you possibly shift out of fear consciousness?! Well it is easier said than done – hence the prolonged situational practice ground that was created. And I believe this is humanity’s current opportunity in our evolutionary process, and the reason why so much negativity is surfacing to be healed and cleared.

I could have been really hard on myself during all of this for having attracted such a painful experience into my life. Some righteous spiritualists may have judged me for not being able to get it together and resolve it, for not being able to raise my vibration enough, or that I must have done something wrong.  All of that is hogwash.

Everything happens for a reason.

My Higher Self is thrilled when I find the learning in a challenging situation, and grow from it. And yours is too.

Here is my invitation to you. Release control (it’s an illusion anyway). And tune in to your deepest, inner wisdom and truth – often. You have a beautiful opportunity to co-create your life with you Higher Self. This makes the challenging times smoother and shorter, by accelerating the learning and growth process.

The next time you’re in a messy situation, ask yourself “What is there for me to learn here? How is this an opportunity to grow?”

Meditate on that, my friends. And life will be so much more fulfilling.

If you’d like to learn more about deliberately shifting your focus or on co-creating with your Higher Self, give me a call and let’s talk. I’d love to connect with you for a complimentary consultation.

Here’s to being a conscious participant in your soul evolution!

Until next time, be free and wild.

Sue

Why Do You Want Money?

Why Do You Want Money?

Business Health & Wellness Leadership life balance Lifestyle Personal Growth Profitability self development Uncategorized

Why do you want money?!?  Sounds like a silly question, right? Like, duh! I want money because…

How did that sentence end for you? What was your first thought?  To be happy?  To relax? To buy X? To do Y?

The fascinating thing about money is that everyone wants it, but most people don’t know truly why, or are unclear as to what it will actually get them.

Money makes the world go round

Money happens to be the vehicle of exchange in our society, and is required in order to pay for shelter, goods and services. And so, while many of us might wish that we didn’t have to deal with money, that fact is, is that it’s a necessity.

In my experience working with clients on success and fulfillment, many people are chasing more and more money believing it will make them happy, but this is a trap. Research has shown that once a person has their basic needs met, there is no correlation between more money and more happiness.

You can, in fact, train your brain to be joyful and happy regardless of your money circumstances, but that’s a blog for another time.

Joy and happiness can come indirectly from what money can help you do, be or have, but if you are not clear on what those specifics are, then happiness will elude you.  In fact, if you are chasing money for money’s sake, you will never have enough. The acquisition of the money will feel empty, without some meaningful outcome that will bring you happiness.

Now, there are always money stories that we’re carrying that are not serving us.  These need to be released and healed.

And there are always fears and doubts around money, no matter if it’s about having too much or too little.  These need to be released and healed.

Regardless of whether you are wealthy or poor, whether you have an abundance mentality or a scarcity mentality, whether your money situation is up and down like a yo-yo… unraveling your relationship with money in order to create a healthier one is life-long work; the layers run that deep.

The first task is to get clear on the impact that money will have on you. And to understand what you want to do with it to improve your life and create happiness.

What’s important to you about money?

The key question to uncover the meaning of money for you is:  What’s important to you about money?  When you uncover the deeper nuances of this question, you will know precisely what you want to create in your life with money in order to reach optimal levels of happiness and joy.

So, go ahead… Find your money-happy!

If you’d like to explore this further with us, our Money and Meaning Mastermind group starts in Aurora, Ontario on February 8th, 2016. Contact us to see if it’s a fit for you now.

And leave a comment to let me know what you find out about yourself.  What did this bring up for you?

Until then, be free… and wild,

Sue

15 Ways Hypnosis Accelerates Change

15 Ways Hypnosis Accelerates Change

Personal Growth

I’ve been asked a lot lately, “What’s so great about hypnosis?” so I thought I’d provide our readers some of the incredible results of hypnosis.

In Canada, hypnosis has only been in the mainstream for a little over a decade and as a result, its benefits are not yet well understood.  In its simplest form, hypnosis offers a way of communicating with, and enlisting the help of, the most powerful untapped resource within us all: the unconscious mind.  When we give suggestions to the unconscious mind for behaviour change, well-being, or changes in sensation (eg. pain), this powerful processor assists us in ways that are outside our conscious awareness.

Check out these fascinating statistics on Hypnosis:

Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy create accelerate change to address:

  1. Weight
  2. Stress
  3. Smoking
  4. Phobias
  5. Low Self-Esteem / Confidence
  6. Chronic pain
  7. Anxiety
  8. Motivation
  9. Athletic performance
  10. Memory
  11. Public speaking anxiety
  12. Depression
  13. Self-improvement
  14. Goal setting
  15. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Find out how you can learn hypnosis in one weekend in our Hypnotherapy Certification Weekend in Newmarket, Ontario on January 27-29, 2012.

 

Clearing Out Your Unresolved Past: The 2nd Requisite for Change

Clearing Out Your Unresolved Past: The 2nd Requisite for Change

Leadership Personal Growth

Have you ever noticed how the tiniest little thing will sometimes cause you to overreact? Or have you ever become aware of a belief that you’ve held since childhood, that is not serving your highest good?  These are examples of unresolved past issues that are conflicting with your ability to become and achieve all that you want.  As discussed in The 1st Requisite for Change, we first have to get crystal clear about what it is that we want, in order to successfully create change. Negative emotions have a purpose – they are telling us that something needs our attention.  In the present moment this is very useful.  When I notice that I’m feeling irritated, or mad, this feeling is a signal to me that proper boundaries need to be maintained or rebuilt. When we feel anger, we need to ask ourselves, “What must be protected or restored?”. Often, though, we can feel a strong negative emotion that is unwarranted or inappropriate for the situation.  In this case, we’re being triggered by unresolved emotions from the past.  The Unconscious Mind holds on to emotions from past events because there’s still something to learn that wasn’t learned at the time.  This is our emotional baggage… every time we didn’t get the message or the learning from the emotion, the unresolved emotion went into our bag that we carry around with us day in and day out. We also carry limiting beliefs in our baggage.  Like “I can’t _________ (you fill in the blank). When did you decide to believe that? Remember the time when your mean older sister told you at age 6 that you couldn’t sing and so you decided to believe that and never uttered another note again!  These Limiting Decisions are also stored in the Unconscious Mind and directly affect our behaviour and of course our results. The Unconscious Mind will gladly release the limiting decisions and the unresolved emotions when we go back to get the learning from these past events. But guess what?! You don’t need to wallow in the emotion of that past event to process the learning!  In fact, when we use Time Line Therapy® techniques to remove past negative emotions and limiting decisions, the experience is essentially content-free.  And it’s fast! We release Anger, Sadness, Fear, Hurt and Guilt and several limiting decisions in about 45 minutes.  This process is included in the Personal Leadership Breakthrough program. Resolving the inner conflicts from the past is the 2nd Requisite for Change.  Without removing limiting decisions and unresolved negative emotions, we are hindering our ability to create the changes that we want for ourselves.  Post a comment on your experiences with clearing out your unresolved past!

5 Ways to Re-focus on What Matters

5 Ways to Re-focus on What Matters

Personal Growth

Rainy weekends provide a wonderful opportunity to pause and reflect on life.  But why wait for dreary weather to take stock of your personal situation.  I encourage you to you take some time now, regardless of when you’ve last done it (if ever!), to reflect, re-assess and re-align your direction.  Without this effort, your direction may not be clear and goals never realized.

Here are some ways to do this:

  1. What course correction is needed in my life right now?  Based on all the new information and experiences and learning since you took a pause and reflected on things last, what needs to change to make sure you are tracking on target once again?  A full review of all areas of your life is in order once in a while to identify adjustments that might be needed on the plan.
  2. Where have I stopped honouring my boundaries (that is, my values and beliefs)?  As time goes on, sometimes we let our boundaries slide, and then we find ourselves in a situation that is uncomfortable, frustrating or downright ugly.  Often this is a direct result of not honouring our own boundaries.  Now is a great to ask, “where did I say ‘yes’ when I should have said ‘no’?” and, “what truth do I need to communicate in order to honour my Self?”.  An example might be, “I am not willing to be around people who are chronic complainers.”
  3. What do I want?  So often we forget how to allow our ‘wanter’ to be activated, by believing something unattainable, too much work, or a pipe dream.  But every now and then it’s good to let those lost dreams bubble up, to play with them and adjust them until we gain some new clarity about that positive future outcome that we’d just love to create.  So pause and ask yourself, “What do I really want? really?” “And where have I settled with less than I want?”
  4. What’s the first step I need to take? Backtracking from that exciting dream or goal, what are the milestones that need to occur back to now?  It’s far easier to figure out the immediate next step if we work backwards from the final outcome and identify the milestones needed to be achieved back to the present.
  5. What’s holding me back?  Really, what’s getting in the way?  What gets me stuck?  And what support do I need to get through or around the obstacle to get back on track? Sometimes the thing that’s in the way is removed simply in the process of identifying it.  Other times, some work is required to uncover the root cause and to devise a solution.

I wish you all the best as you re-align your life towards more of what matters most and more enjoyment and success.

How do you keep you life on track?  Please share!