The Trap of Trying to Control your Destiny

The Trap of Trying to Control your Destiny

Leadership Personal Growth self development

We all want to be in control, to know what’s coming down the pipe, to have certainty.

We want to be the master of our destiny. But life’s not like that.

And it can be crazy-making to try to hold on to control, when there’s a higher wisdom within us at play.

More and more people are following empowerment gurus like Tony Robbins, and working manifestation techniques like the Laws of Attraction and listening to the you-can-do-anything coaches. They are busy setting goals and intentions, thinking the right thoughts and feeling the right feelings, and visualizing and setting boundaries and cutting cords and yada yada.

And then they give themselves and others a hard time when they haven’t created what they want in their life.

Judgement and criticism is the result, with thoughts like “You’ve been talking about that dream for-EVER! Why haven’t you created it yet?!” What’s implied is: “There must be something wrong with you; You’re not doing it right; or You’re not spiritual enough.”

Most of you don’t take into account another important factor when you set out to achieve an outcome… your higher, wiser self has a great deal of say in the matter. And it is usually completely outside of your conscious awareness.

Our thinking mind (ego) is typically the goal-setter. It does a great job of assessing the past, analyzing the situation and imagining the future.

There’s an aspect of you that I call your Higher Self or Soul. Some call it the ‘I AM Presence’, or Divine self. It is the part of our consciousness that has a plan for our life experience.

This Higher Self wants to experience the unfolding of our life, our evolution. It is overjoyed with all of the everyday growth, shifts, transformations and learning that we experience as we live this life adventure in ordinary reality.

However, this aspect of our self also has a bigger perspective. It has desires for us to experience and evolve in certain ways and will ensure that we experience certain experiences. The specifics of those experiences though, are the result of our everyday choices, decisions and actions.

Your Higher Self sets out your destiny. Your Ego mind affects your free will.

We want to be an active participant in life and not feel that life is happening to us, out of our control. And, we cannot control everything with our conscious mind, with ego.

Our conscious mind is the co-creator with our Higher Self.

This is the grand opportunity to soften and be compassionate with ourselves and others. When it seems like it’s taking too long to achieve the thing… Or you’ve been working on the thing forever and still haven’t cracked it… Or you’re still doing the thing that isn’t serving you… then it’s time for a little self-compassion. Your Higher Self in all of it’s cosmic wisdom is orchestrating the grand plan, and your job is to find the blessing in it, rather than beat yourself up about it. There’s wisdom to glean, and personal growing to come of it.

The stuck situations in life are ALWAYS offering an opportunity to shift to a higher consciousness. Not higher as in authority, but higher as in more empowering.

I recently came through an ordeal in the selling of my house. For more than 3 months there was baffling behaviour from the buyer and his realtor, and tremendous uncertainty about whether the sale would close. Contributing to this was that the sale occurred at an unprecedented peak in the market, so the possibility of the deal falling through could have meant many more months of re-listing and selling again at a dramatically lower price, and potential legal proceedings against the original buyer. I had already moved my family into our new home two and a half months before this saga ended.

During all of these delays and uncertainty I kept looking for the learning in the experience. I knew that I didn’t consciously call this in to my life, but my Higher Self had some reason for me to be experiencing this. It wasn’t until the day before the house finally closed (a miracle in itself on so many levels), that I realized what the growth opportunity was for me.

This was a prolonged stressful and uncomfortable time. As a single-adult household, I was solely responsible for the decision to move (an upheaval in itself), and for navigating the change so that we would maintain a safe and loving home environment. I felt the weight of the uncertainty for all of us. And I was infuriated with this buyer that refused to honour deadlines and legal agreements.

During this time, I would catch myself thinking about negative possibilities and outcomes that I didn’t want, and do whatever practice I could to bring myself back to calm and peace. Every time I felt the grip of anxiety or worry, I would clear the negativity and shift my focus back to the result I wanted: a successful close.

It was a rinse and repeat practice. Ongoing, in all shapes and sizes. I used forest walks, friends, colleagues, energy healing, affirmations, tarot and oracle cards, inspirational reading, meditation, and positive visualization, among other things to turn my thinking and feeling around.

Now I affectionately refer to my exasperating buyer as my greatest blessing. He was the sole reason for my worry, frustration and stress, and simultaneously my greatest teacher. In the experience he felt like my enemy, and turned out to be my ally.

The grand awareness that I received on that day before closing was that this ordeal was an opportunity for me to shift from fear consciousness into surrender, peace and trust. It had NOTHING to do with the buyer as a person, and everything to do with me and my perception.

But the world is full of fear, you say. We’re pummeled with fear-mongering at every turn. How can you possibly shift out of fear consciousness?! Well it is easier said than done – hence the prolonged situational practice ground that was created. And I believe this is humanity’s current opportunity in our evolutionary process, and the reason why so much negativity is surfacing to be healed and cleared.

I could have been really hard on myself during all of this for having attracted such a painful experience into my life. Some righteous spiritualists may have judged me for not being able to get it together and resolve it, for not being able to raise my vibration enough, or that I must have done something wrong.  All of that is hogwash.

Everything happens for a reason.

My Higher Self is thrilled when I find the learning in a challenging situation, and grow from it. And yours is too.

Here is my invitation to you. Release control (it’s an illusion anyway). And tune in to your deepest, inner wisdom and truth – often. You have a beautiful opportunity to co-create your life with you Higher Self. This makes the challenging times smoother and shorter, by accelerating the learning and growth process.

The next time you’re in a messy situation, ask yourself “What is there for me to learn here? How is this an opportunity to grow?”

Meditate on that, my friends. And life will be so much more fulfilling.

If you’d like to learn more about deliberately shifting your focus or on co-creating with your Higher Self, give me a call and let’s talk. I’d love to connect with you for a complimentary consultation.

Here’s to being a conscious participant in your soul evolution!

Until next time, be free and wild.

Sue

How to Know if your Stuck

How to Know if your Stuck

Business Leadership Personal Growth self development

How do you know if you’re stuck? In our hyper-active, multi-tasking society, it can be difficult to find an accurate barometer for ‘stuck’.  What could be considered a slower pace today, might have been overdrive a generation ago.

First let’s get clear on how NOT to know if you’re stuck.

Don’t try to figure out if you stuck by…

…comparing your progress to that of other people

…measuring yourself against what society says you should be accomplishing

…considering what your friends and loved ones say you should be doing

We live in the age of everyone knows best, but when it comes to determining if you’re stuck, only you will know.

It’s time to tune in to the wisdom within you. Take a deep breath and bring your attention into your centre. Notice what emotions you are feeling. And keeping your focus there, read on.

Here are some of the common signs that indicate you’re stuck.

  • You’ve lost your joy. There’s a dark cloud that’s set in and you’re unable to find your enthusiasm for life and your passions no longer spark you.
  • You are not taking action. You are either doing absolutely nothing or you are distracting yourself from the right action with unproductive activity. Exception: If you are on vacation or sabbatical or a much-needed rest, then lack of action is not a sign of stuckness.
  • Everything feels hard. It seems that everything is a struggle and you feel blocked at every turn.
  • You keep getting the same (unwanted) results. You are taking action, but it’s not producing the desired result.
  • Your outlook has turned negative. You’re feeling overwhelmed, drained, despair and/or you want to give up.
  • Your belief in yourself is waning. Your confidence has taken a hit and you’re unsure what you’re capable of anymore.

If after considering all this you’re pretty sure you’re stuck, then you might like my complimentary From Stuck to Momentum Guide available here.

Congratulations!  You’ve determined whether or not you are stuck and can now take action appropriately.  Either get some new resources if you’re stuck, or keep on keeping on if you’re not!

Until next time, be free… and wild!

Sue

Extreme Self-Care for the Holidays

Extreme Self-Care for the Holidays

Health & Wellness life balance Lifestyle Personal Growth

How to get your needs met so you can enjoy every moment

Dear Brave One,

You deserve to be relaxed, rested and fulfilled during the holidays, and it demands extreme self-care.

Who’s job is it to get your needs met?

Yes, it’s yours. Too often we have this unspoken expectation that others will know what we need and take care of it for us.  And sometimes, when that doesn’t happen, we feel resentful and bitter.  Well, not anymore…

The Holidays… Your Time!

In this little guide, I’m going to show you how to maintain your energy and your sanity during the holidays, by getting clear on your needs and planning your time to get them met!  It’s your responsibility to get your needs met.  And your life will be incredibly more fulfilling when you do!get your needs met first

We’re often so worried about being “selfish” that we neglect ourselves terribly. And the result is stress, frustration and burnout – certainly not a combination we want for the holidays.  It is your job
to be selfish because if you don’t take care of your Self, then you won’t be able to give of yourself to those around you who need you.

Strap on your seat belts and join me on this little journey…

How Do You Want to Feel?

First, get clear on how you want to feel during the holidays.  What are your desired emotions for this magical time of year?  Use the list of Emotions at www.suebowe.com/emotions-list and select your top 15 emotions, then narrow it down to 10, and then select your top 5 emotions that reflect how you want to feel during the holidays.  Write them down now.

Which Personal Needs are the Priority?

Using your top 5 feelings as your guide, and the list of Personal Needs at www.suebowe.com/needs-list, go through a selection process again, first selecting your top 15 needs, then 10, then top 5 core needs that are a priority for you this holiday season.  Write them down in a column on the left side of your paper.

Now for each of your top 5 needs, make some notes on ideas for healthy ways to meet that need, and how often you would want to have or experience each thing.  Get specific.  Here’s an example…

 

Personal Need Healthy Ways to Meet that Need How Often
Solitude

 

Luxurious epsom salts and essential oils bath with candles and music for 45 min 1 / week

 

Schedule it in Your Calendar!

Now, pull up your calendar, and schedule the blocks of time into it now, in this order:

  1. The time for the activities (above) to meet your prioritized needs daily and weekly (even if you don’t know the specific activity yet, block in the time!).
  2. One entire unstructured, unscheduled, delicious day to do whatever you spontaneously choose to do!
  3. The events you’ve committed to with family, friends, and work.

… in that order.

Protect your self-time in your calendar with a passion, and you will be happier and more pleasurable to be around!

You did it!  You’re ready to enjoy the holidays with balance, ease and grace.

Until next time, be free… and wild!

Sue

Invite Your Soul on to the Board

Invite Your Soul on to the Board

Business Leadership

Whether you are a business leader or a business owner, there’s an important team member that needs an invitation to the board meetings of Me, Inc.  That wildcard who must have a seat at the table is your soul. It’s the difference between chasing fulfillment and realizing it, throughout your life.

Imagine for a moment that an aspect of you had a grand plan for your life before you were born. There was a desire to have certain experiences and grow as a person in specific ways.  We might call this your soul theme. And you, whether you’re consciously aware of it or not, created it and are now living it out.

Of course there’s free will
and chance, choices and serendipity, but deep down,
your soul is on a mission.

For one person, their soul theme might be about confidence and empowerment, for another it could be compassion or forgiveness, and for still another, a soul theme could be about power and authority.

It’s useful to know your soul theme, because you’ll be working layers of it all your life.  You will be experiencing the opposite of it first, each time you transform and grow into a new version of that theme.  In fact, your soul is relishing in the process every time you work yourself through another layer… whoop!!  Unfortunately, it doesn’t feel very good while you’re in it and just before you break through. But on the other side? Glorious!  And then life goes on and encounter the next edge of the theme to work through.

In our career and business planning, it behooves us to have our soul at the boardroom table.

Here are some of the questions you might like to engage your soul-level-deeper-knowing about:

  1. What is the pattern of the challenges that have been running in my work life?
  2. How is this affecting me personally?
  3. What is it that I really want instead?
  4. How can I create what I want and still have the satisfaction of progressing on my soul theme work?

It’s always easier to have these discussions with someone else, whether that is with a loved one, friend or a professional. When looking for answers from the soul, it helps to find a quiet place where you can really tune in to your body, your emotions, and your memories. The wisdom is all there within you.

Ultimately your happiness and satisfaction depend on getting your soul’s input as you move forward. So go ahead, call a board meeting for Me, Inc. and give your soul a seat at the table.

Until next time,

Sue

5 Keys to Leading from Heart Consciousness

5 Keys to Leading from Heart Consciousness

Business Leadership self development

I believe that every person is a leader, regardless of title, rank or position. You are certainly a leader of your life, within your family, and among colleagues and peers, if not formally in your role at work. And there comes a time in a leader’s life when they must ask themselves, “Am I leading from the highest possible consciousness level?”

As we evolve into a more awakened species (yes, believe it or not, we are on track with this!), we are experiencing even greater polarity between the light and the dark consciousness on the planet. It’s not that there is necessarily more war, violence, terror and evil than at other times in history, it’s that we have more contrast now, and more instant media exposure.

So what’s a leader to do?

Practice more Heart Conscious Leadership.

I firmly believe one of the best ways to make a positive contribution in the world is to evolve yourself. As the famous quote goes, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” As you grow, learn, transmute and transform, you become a model for others to do the same… you call others forth into the next best version of themselves.  And you are creating an energetic ripple, like a pebble in a pond, which emanates to others you may not even come into contact with. As you grow yourself personally and professionally, you are raising the collective energetic… it’s quantum physics.

Heart-conscious leadership is connecting, perceiving and making decisions from the heart, rather than solely from the mind.

Leading from heart consciousness results in being more centred in one’s own skin (and truth), a feeling of being more fulfilled, and a greater connection with oneself and world.

Here are 5 ways to lead from heart consciousness:

  1. Inner Alignment.  You are aware of your deepest drivers of behaviour: your core values, beliefs and needs, and you honour those essential drivers by taking action that is aligned with them.  Your choices, decisions, and words reflect your values and beliefs to those around you.  When you are aligned and congruent, you model your values to your friends and colleagues through your behaviour.
  2. Serving the Common Good. Competition, scarcity and lack are aspects of fear-based consciousness. Your efforts are focused on cooperation. You see the win-win-win solutions and work to create more balance and harmony between people and between humanity and nature.  When you’re focused on the common good, you recognize that there is enough for everyone when the resources are distributed in a more balanced way.  You engage in initiatives that impact the good of all, rather than being beneficial to the few.
  3. Trusting the Flow of Life. You operate with an underlying trust and empowerment that allows you to be at ease with uncertainty. You have developed strong mental and emotional health, so that you’re not easily ruffled by unexpected events.  You know how to control your thinking so that in a crisis, you avoid being overcome by negative thoughts or feelings.  You have nurtured a faith in yourself and in life so that lead with joy, purpose and grace, no matter what arises.
  4. Connecting to Inspire. You are able to genuinely engage with anyone, building relationships and deepening trust.  You adapt your communication approach to match the preferred learning style of the other person, which results in inspiring, compelling and persuasive conversations.  Heart-Conscious Leaders use their advanced connection skills to build cohesive teams and inspire others to join the cause.
  5. Collaborating and co-creating. As a Heart-Conscious Leader, you build networks based on shared values and triad relationships.  Connecting people based on shared interests, missions and values, you recognize that your mission is too large to accomplish alone, and that the strongest teams and communities are based on the three-legged extended net.  The triad net, the strongest, most powerful human system, has very little, if any, hierarchy.

We are living in chaotic and disturbing times, and what’s being called for now is for us to step up and into the next best leadership consciousness possible. It is time for Heart-Conscious Leadership.

Until next time,

Sue

Mindfulness leads to Joy and Productivity

Mindfulness leads to Joy and Productivity

Health & Wellness Leadership Lifestyle

We are hard-pressed to find a leader, an entrepreneur, or an employee who doesn’t want to be more focused, more productive, and less stressed. We live in the most fast-paced, over-stimulated, multi-tasked time in history. And focus has never been so challenging!

In fact, during 47% of our waking hours we are thinking about something other than what we’re doing. Another way to look at this is that roughly half the time, we’re not actually focused on what we are doing. Half the time!  We won’t bother speculating on why that is, however we might surmise that if we could change it, we would.

Mindfulness is the solution.

Mindfulness is the mental state achieved when focusing one’s attention on the present moment. That means we’re not focused on the past, reviewing events, analyzing what’s taken place, or feeling bad about what’s happened.  And we’re also not focused on the future, planning our next steps, imagining what if, or feeling worry or anxiety about some future possibility.  Mindfulness is having your full attention in the moment, on whatever you are doing, feeling, saying or hearing right now.

There are many ways to practice mindfulness, one of the most common being meditation. And while thousands of corporations around the world are offering mindfulness training to their employees, there are so many different approaches, that there is still much confusion about what it is.

The benefits of mindfulness at work include

  • Improved mood and morale (increases positive emotions and reduces negative emotions)
  • Improved productivity (increases focus, changes brain regions linked to learning and memory)
  • Better teamwork (fosters compassion toward others, enhances relationships)
  • Reduced sick leave (boosts the immune system)
  • Reduced stress

The simple approach to Mindfulness that I teach is mastering the combination of relaxation and awareness, so that the mind can remain focused, clear and present. This is a skill-building process.  Learning the skill of deep relaxation and the skill of heightened awareness, while training the mind to enter these states at will, provides us with a powerful asset.  Imagine what’s possible when your mind is able to remain calm and focused, regardless of what is going on around you and what you are experiencing.  That’s the beauty of mindfulness.

Here is a simple exercise that can help you right now.  It’s called Pausing to Breathe. It takes just 2-3 minutes, and even that will be challenging for many of you.  Begin by putting your pen or your device down and turning away from any screens.  In a comfortable seated position, close your eyes and bring your attention to your breath.  Proceed to take 5 deep breaths in and out, while you keep your focus on the breath.  Notice how it feels as the air passes through your nose and mouth, how it fills up your lungs, then how it moves out as your lung push, and the feeling of the breath passing your lips or nose on the way out. Use curiosity about the breath to keep your attention on it.  And ignore distractions for the full 2 minutes.  If your mind wanders, as soon as you notice it wandering, then bring your attention back to the breath.

Do this Pausing to Breathe practice several times a day and you’ll feel refreshed, centered and more focused.

And if you would like to bring mindfulness training into your workplace or group, let me know.  I’d be happy to discuss possibilities with you.

Until next time,

Sue

How is Your Energy Intelligence?

How is Your Energy Intelligence?

Energy Health & Wellness Leadership self development

Everything in the universe is made up of energy.

Your body, the chair you are sitting on, and the air you are breathing are all forms of energy.  Science has long been studying physical energy such as those in the diagram below, and yet there is another energy that isn’t as well understood… our own body’s energy and that of those around us. Your acumen with this energy is your Energy Intelligence.Energy Intelligence includes the metaphysical - often missing in standard forms of energy diagrams

What is it that you are picking up on when you meet someone and you instantly feel repelled, or attracted?  What are you noticing when you walk into a meeting and the air is thick and you know there is a conflict and strong emotions present. And what is it that you are gauging when you know that you feel drained of energy? When you’re feeling “high energy” what is that?  What is it that you are perceiving in all these cases?

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”
– Nikola Tesla

This is energy of a different kind. It is a metaphysical concept that some call a vibe, chi, an aura, or an energetic field.  We call it the Human Energy System and it includes the energy body of each person and the energy of the inter-relationships between people and groups of people.  This energy system has a huge impact on our health and well-being, as well as our ability to function day to day, so it is in our best interest to learn how to tend it well.

There are ways to recharge your energy system when you feel depleted. There are ways to strengthen your energy system so it is less affected by others. And there are ways to utilize your energy system to provide you with information, healing or general well-being. There are also ways to transmit your energy intentionally to others. The first step is to begin noticing your own energetics, and knowing when what you’re sensing is yours or someone else’s energy. You’ll soon be on your way to honing your own energy intelligence.

A few years ago, when I was recovering from burnout, I had completely retreated and minimized my contact with people because I was so energetically depleted and I needed to be alone to recharge.  Each outing into the world of people required a much longer time period alone to recuperate my energy system. With the help of some gifted healers and coaches, I was able to stop the energy leaks in my system, and learn how to allow my system to receive energy from others so that I could create a balance of energy out and energy in.  As an empath, I had unconsciously shut down the receiving flow in order to protect myself from unwanted energy from others. I had been operating with a one-way flow of energy with other people, always flowing out to them.

Our energy system is simultaneously receiving and radiating energetic information. And our ability to allow universal energy to flow through our human energy system is key to harnessing our power as co-creative beings.  Physicists will tell you that all matter is energy, vibrating at different frequencies. The basic element of reality is consciousness manifested into energy.

What are you using your energy to create right now?

There is a new intelligence awaiting your discovery… energy intelligence.

Let me know what this article brings up for you… Questions? Curiosities? Skepticism?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time,

Sue

 

My life is awesome… why am I not happy?

My life is awesome… why am I not happy?

Business Leadership life balance Personal Growth self development

If you’re reading this line, then something struck a chord with that headline. Why aren’t you happy? There’s something amiss, and only the deepest part of you knows what it is.

You’re living an amazing life. Career, family, home, social, travel… This is the stuff dreams are made of. It doesn’t get any better than this, they say. You’re living large and working hard. There’s lots of love, laughter and people in your life.  You’re driving a nice car and proud of the neighbourhood you live in. You’re a success at work and continue to grow your net worth.

So what’s the problem?

You’re feeling disconnected and antsy. There’s a part of you that is dying inside because it’s not being heard. You’re longing for more meaning in what you do, for deeper connections with others, for a greater purpose in your actions.  It’s not enough anymore to fit in, catch up, or win against others. That yardstick isn’t important anymore.

It’s time to listen to you soul… your wildfire within.

Whose definition of an awesome life have you been living? You were probably doing what you were expected to do. And now you’re here, but this dream didn’t originate from you. You need to question the cultural norms and beliefs you’ve adopted and create your own definition of ‘awesome’.

Usually what’s missing is more meaning, in one of these ways:

  • Feeling you belong
  • Knowing you’re doing your part and truly making things better
  • Feeling a sense of purpose, or deeper meaning to your existence

Finding purpose and meaning is a life-long quest. So start now.

Life is a much more exciting adventure when we’re seeking answers to these deeper mysteries.

And along the way on your quest, it’s important to know that you can be happy at any time, in any circumstances, with the right skills. I call this the happy-anyway strategy and it relies on a practice of conscious focus on your thoughts, as well as mind-body state management techniques.

It is incredibly empowering when you realize that you can assign ANY meaning to ANY situation, simply by choice. When you master your thoughts, you master your emotions.

And this is the paradox of life:  Accepting what is, while simultaneously wanting something more.  You might as well be happy while you’re working it!