A wise woman once told me, “You get to have all your emotions!” and it took me some time to understand what that really meant. Not only is it our birthright to feel, it’s actually a true gift! In fact, it’s a privilege to feel emotions. No other species has the ability to feel like humans do, however anger can also be a double-edged sword.
Anger is one of the most misunderstood and unaccepted emotions of them all.
“Sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.” – Unknown
Common myths about anger include: “You’re a ‘good’ person if you don’t get angry.” and “Anger is dangerous or scary.” Unfortunately few of us had good role models when it came to anger. We either saw the people in our lives suppressing their anger or they used anger to intimidate or they completely lost control in anger. None of these is a healthy way to use anger.
Anger issues are a common leadership blind spot. Whether it’s the team leader who explodes unpredictably in the office or the manager who is being taken advantage of because he is unable to access anger as a fuel for standing up for himself or his team, unhealthy anger is insidious.
“Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry.”– Lyman Abbott
Emotions provide us with information. When we feel angry, it’s a signal that proper boundaries should be maintained or built. When anger shows up, we need to ask: “What must be protected?” “What must be restored?”, and take action accordingly.
The key is to find a healthy expression of the anger that we feel as quickly as possible when we feel it. Sometimes we’re in a situation where it’s not appropriate to express our anger fully, like at work. However, the sooner we can express our anger, the sooner we can get the learning from it and take action. Some healthy ways to express anger include yelling and screaming in the car, punching a pillow, kicking and punching a punching bag, and beating the furniture with a foam bat.
Anger is useful. It motivates us; it gives us determination; it helps us feel our power; it allows us to set boundaries and stand up for ourselves.
I’d love to hear how anger shows up in your workplace and how you deal with it. Don’t forget to leave a link back to your own blog too, via the commentluv feature here on this site.
Until next time,
Sue
I’m so glad you get it! The sequel to this article (yet to be posted) has to do with how to release the accumulated anger from the past (or any uncomfortable emotion for that matter) so that it doesn’t feel like such a volcano when we start practicing emoting in the moment. Residual emotion from the past can be released swiftly and painlessly using a number of modalities that reconsolidate memories in the brain – (reconsolidation is a fancy way of saying neutralizing the uncomfortable emotions on past memories without affecting the content of the memory). Once the pressure cooker is released, it’s SO much easier to allow ourselves to feel what we feel in the present moment. Doesn’t mean we can’t start practicing feeling our anger now though. Here’s a blog that speaks a little more to this… https://suebowe.com/trapped-in-danger-mode/ Thanks for your comment!
Ah, yes, ‘You get to have all your emotions.’ I love this! Who knew that my raging fury at my coffee machine for not working properly was actually a sign of growth? And when I angrily mutter under my breath at traffic, apparently I’m just setting healthy boundaries. Now I’m tempted to start practicing healthy anger with my stapler. Maybe I should punch a pillow before my next meeting—just to keep things professional. Kidding, I swear… but if you see me yelling in my car, just know it’s my emotional ‘workout’ session. Anger: the fuel for personal development and road rage!
https://equineguidance.com